You know, I’m frequently chastised for my vicious contempt of environmentalism in pretty much all its forms. I mean, pick your subject. It’s pretty much guaranteed that I’ve got some derisive ridicule about how it’s retarded and one is an idiot for bringing it up.
Hybrid cars? It’s a stupid fad that smug morons pounce on despite the fact that they’re an even worse long-term effect than the internal combustion engine. Public transportation? Oh gee really, I can pay for a service that doesn’t revolve around my schedule and can’t be reasonably relied on? And I get to cram next to stinky filthy strangers? Yeah, I’ll pass. Or, even dumber, bicycling? Yeah, like I’m really going to wake up needlessly early to do 15mph to work instead of doing 90mph in my car. And where exactly do I put all the stuff I’m carrying? And how do I get there in a suit? It’s stupid, and I want to smack people who advocate this right in the face. Recycling? Why should I bother, however minimal the effort, when I can pitch it all in the same place? Maybe if you gave me some kind of incentive (and no, threatening me with fines is not an “incentive;” it’s blackmail). Minimize my shower time? Yeah, go screw yourself. No way I’m giving up the bliss that is a 40-minute shower when I’m in the mood for one. You know, I refuse to even elect getting my bills online—even though I pay them all online (or direct withdrawal). Why? Because I’m a lawyer. The thought of not having a paper trail is horrifying in this litigious world. And those reusable grocery bags? I’m sorry, but as a male, I simply cannot abide going into a grocery store with a cloth bag draped over my arm. There’s a word for guys like that. It’s “fag.”
And don’t even get me started on the really stupid stuff—like the compost toilet, or growing crops without pesticide use, or NOT using my heater/air conditioner (I live in the desert, you morons), or chaining yourself to a tree. Or low-flow toilets. God, those are the most vile—in every sense of the word—creation anyone ever came up with.
Honestly, I hate the environment so much…
Well, OK, wait—let’s clarify. I don’t hate the environment. I just don’t care about it. A rainforest burns down and I’m like, “OK, so?” What I hate are environmentalists. They’re smug assholes who think they’re better than you for no good reason whatever, and are constantly trying to force their views and lifestyle and practices on you. It’s not enough for them that they’re environmentalists. You have to be one too. By force if necessary. Sound familiar? And it’s all bogus junk science—and demonstrably so. They’re psychotic zealots, operating on nothing but pure ignorance, who are huge fans of forcible conversion. I loathe everything about them. I burn styrofoam on Earth Day just to thumb my nose at it all. (No, really.)
All that said, however, I finally have found one cool and smart way that I can go green. And I think it’s awesome. There’s a European company that’s currently marketing a new device. Simply put, it creates heat by efficiently converting electricity. They’re cheap and easy to make—according to the site, they’re composed simply of glass, tungsten, and argon (all very common materials). And, as an added bonus, they’re totally compatible with your home’s existing hardware. (So, basically, you’re recycling your pre-existing materials!) There is a side effect though, according to the company’s web site. The heat created by converting electricity has the unintended result of creating photons—which can be dangerous to the human eye. However, this side effect can easily be abated (and utilized multi-purposely! Another environmental plus!) by putting some form of shade or housing device around it.
I think this is a fantastic idea, and I can’t imagine any environmentalist that wouldn’t want to get behind this. If you’re interested, check out their site.